ROMANCE RONIN (free verse poem)

“I wish you well,” she said. “But don’t talk to me ever again.” What the hell? The darkest note in the heartstrings for me, such a painful misery.

“How can one wish well and also completely reject?” I think to myself. Can’t I start over and reset? Hypocrisy for her to say that. She walked all over me like a mat and then pretended to act like a dainty lady, a princess of the manor who possesses perfect manners.

What?! You cannot block out or block an account, and still think you are being nice. Why pick a fight? Don’t you get the gist? You. Are. A. Narcissist!

What the hell do you do when you’re in a bad mood then? Delusion to think that you are in collusion with being mature. How can you be so sure? You spit on me from your princess balcony and then have the audacity to say to me that I’m a nice guy. Why in the world should I accept that? Why?

Whatever. It stings but will be all for the better. Once I shirk these fetters there will be no hurt again ever.

If to only be there now, but how? Hard to not make a distinction when the instinct is to not be alone. Difficult to not groan, when I take a blow to the gut. One heavy punch and I’m back in the rut.

I am such a mutt. A mix of so many things. They all ring inside of what I am. Time though now to take a stand. To see what is “out there” as empty and to feel what is “in here” as not heavy. It is light, a perfect concentration. Yeah, that will save me.

Then immune to the harpies’ call I will be. No lovely tune could seduce me, not possibly.  I could look and see the beautiful wings and features of certain creatures without any need. Why be devoured by their teeth?

The truth is that you are just as ugly as I. Your costume is fairer but away it flies and I see the truth. I see the real you, all the way through.

You are not evil, dark temptress. It’s just that your coldness is senseless. What is true and gives me pity on you is that you have so much farther to go than I do.

You are just a mirror that shatters me and leaves the pieces here. You are so unkind that I must now find freedom in my mind.

All that is left for me to do is to shatter you too. To truly recover from your attack would mean that I could once again dance with whoever and remain unattached.

You stole from me so much time, so much of my youth. Yet now I see the mistake was mine. I got caught in the loop.

Since then this era of wandering in the desert has seen many mirage illusions. The only hope now is to see through all delusions.

 

It soon will be time to finally overthrow my own mind.

 

Those of us who are cast aside do eventually begin to no longer be upset at lies.

 

In time this guy will find that he was and always will be just fine.

 

What a fool I was to think that someone else could make me whole and save me from the brink.

 

Just read the words on this sheet.

No need to compete.

We are all already complete.

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