BLACK WIDOWER

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore
Can’t seem to settle the score
What I do is hide behind acquiring knowledge
In reality this is only a mirage

It helps to appear to be normal
To make esoteric and renaissance study formal
Because something still is in the way
Call it bad luck, karma, or fate

I had to abandon absurdism
Fell into nihilism
And from that chasm
I wait and spasm

Until existential vistas present
Themselves upon me
Although I can’t expect things to just happen
I also can’t control or grasp them

I guess this is the end
Nevermore again
To have that romantic friend
Who understands

Let alone a partner
For who would waltz or foxtrot
With a philosopher-king
Who has not?

For the next like me
I say to thee
Do not settle for anything less
Than a lover’s caress

But only if you want it
We are not all wanton
Who for a time
Are sole supreme, sublime

The lone wolf attacks
While still part of the pack
And eventually settles
If there comes a time to put down the metal

Of swords and shields
The warriors of the light do not yield
We raise steel
Against inner demons
And do not need a reason

To find illumination
My culmination
Is the same as yours
To settle that score

It will only be the avenging
Of betrayal done five years hence
You know who you are now then

I come for those close to you in the dark
Reckoning is now commencing
Intuition of what really happened
Begins to make the end

Of your lies inevitable
I see through you like a glass table
Down to the dirty floor below
It may be slow

It may take years more
But I am closing in upon your door

You will be knocked down from such a high horse
Your affair covered up by stolen holy reasons
Will be seen for what it was and is forever more
Treason

But I don’t know what to do
Meanwhile it is you
Who preys on my forgiveness
Like a never ending succubus

Even when I leave it behind
It comes up over and over again in the subconscious of my mind
Don’t you get what you have done?
How could you let

Someone such as me become no one?
And forget
That my relentless
Heart is what you first met

And fell for
Therefore
The very same thing
Will be your downfall

I know now what to do
It is time to stop living for you

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